Tuesday

Reborn


And the day Netflix crashed, people staggered from the dim, dank environs of their computer monitors into the bright, fresh air of the living room and once again knew what it was to enjoy the real, vital world of Basic Cable.

Monday

Snack in the Night

The pie bandit strikes.  Delicious.  Payback for the garlic bread?  I think so.

Friday

Convenience

Tired of all the hassle of getting your morning coffee?  With one sip of our six-hour energy drink, you can have diarrhea and feel anxious and jittery all morning.

Thursday

Packaging


     If I didn't already know what a tampon is, based on the packaging above, I would think a tampon was a refreshing facial masque, or perhaps some sort of relaxing beverage.
     "Oh my goodness, Helen, this tampon is simply delightful!"

Overheard at Checkout

Bagger: I like your hat.
Old Man: Thanks.  I earned it.
Bagger:  That eagle is really cool.  Were you in the Army?
Old Man: Army!
Bagger: Navy?
Old Man: Navy!!
Bagger: Marines?
Old Man: I was in the Marines.
Bagger:  I knew I was going to get it if I kept going.  The only thing left was the Air Force.
Old Man: Air Force!
Bagger: I got a cousin who's in the Air Force.
Old Man: [silence]
Bagger: You ever kill anybody?
Old Man: [silence] That's kind of a personal question.
Bagger: Oh, I'm sorry.
Old Man: [silence] Well, I'll tell you.  I don't know for sure.  I think so.  A lot of times you never know for sure.  But I think so, yeah.
Bagger: Cool.

Saturday

Cutting Board

It's not the onions that make me cry, it's the gnawing hole of darkness at the center of my soul.

Sunday

Yard Work

When the neighborhood lawn service tapes a flyer to your door, it's probably time to cut the grass.

Baseball Season

You know major league baseball will be upon us soon when you start buying peanuts in these amounts.

Thursday

Snack

There was garlic bread left over from supper.  Now there's none.  Who ate all the damn garlic bread?