Tuesday
Reborn
Monday
Friday
Convenience
Tired of all the hassle of getting your morning coffee? With one sip of our six-hour energy drink, you can have diarrhea and feel anxious and jittery all morning.
Thursday
Packaging
If I didn't already know what a tampon is, based on the packaging above, I would think a tampon was a refreshing facial masque, or perhaps some sort of relaxing beverage.
"Oh my goodness, Helen, this tampon is simply delightful!"
Overheard at Checkout
Bagger: I like your hat.
Old Man: Thanks. I earned it.
Bagger: That eagle is really cool. Were you in the Army?
Old Man: Army!
Bagger: Navy?
Old Man: Navy!!
Bagger: Marines?
Old Man: I was in the Marines.
Bagger: I knew I was going to get it if I kept going. The only thing left was the Air Force.
Old Man: Air Force!
Bagger: I got a cousin who's in the Air Force.
Old Man: [silence]
Bagger: You ever kill anybody?
Old Man: [silence] That's kind of a personal question.
Bagger: Oh, I'm sorry.
Old Man: [silence] Well, I'll tell you. I don't know for sure. I think so. A lot of times you never know for sure. But I think so, yeah.
Bagger: Cool.
Old Man: Thanks. I earned it.
Bagger: That eagle is really cool. Were you in the Army?
Old Man: Army!
Bagger: Navy?
Old Man: Navy!!
Bagger: Marines?
Old Man: I was in the Marines.
Bagger: I knew I was going to get it if I kept going. The only thing left was the Air Force.
Old Man: Air Force!
Bagger: I got a cousin who's in the Air Force.
Old Man: [silence]
Bagger: You ever kill anybody?
Old Man: [silence] That's kind of a personal question.
Bagger: Oh, I'm sorry.
Old Man: [silence] Well, I'll tell you. I don't know for sure. I think so. A lot of times you never know for sure. But I think so, yeah.
Bagger: Cool.
Saturday
Cutting Board
It's not the onions that make me cry, it's the gnawing hole of darkness at the center of my soul.
Sunday
Yard Work
When the neighborhood lawn service tapes a flyer to your door, it's probably time to cut the grass.
Thursday
Snack
There was garlic bread left over from supper. Now there's none. Who ate all the damn garlic bread?
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