It Goes To 11 and Has Electrolytes

The hair's getting long and unruly again. My wife came back from the store today having purchased a giant tube of hair gel, and she enjoyed making fun of the label.  We note several features:

• Not satisfied with 10, this gel goes to 11.
• It is activity-proof , which is fortunate, because it is apparently marketed to marathoners, who, as I seem to remember, are somewhat active at times, and, surprisingly, fret the entire race about the state of their hair.
• It's got electrolytes, which hair needs.
• The bubbles in the gel don't move when you shake the container. This is the kind of control I need.
• If you look at the clock in the background of the label, the gel may actually last only nine minutes. Nobody has ever run a marathon in nine minutes, although some have come close.  But their legs exploded.